I’m in one of those zones. One of those holy, blessed and warm places that’s saturated with overwhelming satisfaction. My relationship with my wife is the best it has ever been. I need to say it. I can’t help being all kinds of stoked with where we are as a unit, 4-month-old baby Rylan and all.

What does this look like? Pretty damn sexy, if you ask me. Deeper than any dark pit, higher than any mountain and wider than any open space. You know why? Because we have intentionally given up the idea of trying make each other fit into something we want.

We have given up on the idea that we needed to change each other. Maybe it’s more that we have stopped trying to change the other into someone that they are not. We have grown to cherish each other’s individuality, wholeheartedly and honestly.

The result is that we both trust each other at a very critical level. We don’t expect things anymore, not to the point of damaging the joy we share. We know we are a team, on the same path and adventure. It’s not that we don’t fight or argue, but the way we are fighting has changed into something that is less like a battle, becoming more akin to an honest conversation about where our feelings fit in our relationship. Nothing is too unimportant to discuss and understand. Not a thing.

There is something in marriage that can’t be found anywhere else. There is a level of emotional intimacy and validation that I’ve never found anywhere else. The best parts of marriage last well past the point of passion and physical oneness.

Jesus taught me how to love. He taught me what it truly means to trust and have faith in the one I was given to cherish.

Words cannot express the depths of the joy Jesus has given my marriage.

My wife (Kristy) and I both love reading. We both write – me a little more than her. I like lifting heavy weights at the gym; Kristy likes cycling. I like video games for relaxation; she likes a movie. Even how we worship God is expressed differently. But, on the whole, we are open books for each other. The kind of book we try to open daily to re-read and re-discover. Sure we miss a day here and there, but we intentionally leave those spaces at the end of each page, the ones we allow for contribution. There is space in our story for the other.

God is solely responsible for the standard of relationship we share. This is the not-so-secret ingredient to our union. God is and always will be the unconditional love, compassion, grace and understanding in our relationship.

At what point did true love become an inconvenience? When did compassion, understanding, and grace become obstacles to happiness? When did unhealthy and self-destructive habits become the cool thing to do? And when did these things become critical to help a person survive marriage? Or life?

Marriage is an inconvenience if you’re a selfish person out for your way. Marriage is hard work if all you want is what you want. Marriage is a union of two people becoming one. It is the choice to share! It’s not permission to demand a single thing. It’s permission to give your life up as an offering. If you keep wanting it all for yourself, you will find it difficult to enjoy the truth of God’s second greatest gift. And you will never see or feel what marriage can create in a person.

True love, the real kind that has no limits, has been swapped for something broken. It’s been traded for a kind of love that is measured against our own happiness (Adam, Eve and all of man-kind) above the joy of another (God).

Jesus came to reconcile everyone to God. Jesus came to show us how to be unselfish, how to love without expectation of reciprocation. Jesus came to show us how to step away from what was making life so hard to live, and to give us back what we had lost in the garden of Eden.

I am telling you right now that there is nothing that is worth fighting for that is worth the destruction of a marriage. Porn, alcohol, drugs, money, sex, things, unhealthy relationships and even healthy ones. If something is taking away from a marriage, then that needs to be addressed in all honesty.

I am selfish, and this is part of my truth. I want my way all the time. But I believe that if I fought for it, I wouldn’t know what it is to love another person with the absolute freedom I have been given by Jesus. I wouldn’t know how to appreciate the selflessness of others opposed to the expectation that the world is meant to contribute to my happiness. I wouldn’t trust in my wife’s love for me and her commitment to our marriage because I wouldn’t trust myself.

The Love of Jesus has given me the freedom and strength to fight my selfishness.